Aria for a Fool
by tearsofbreakingglass
Summary: After their marriage in 1867, Austria begins treating Hungary with more kindness and respect, realizing how close he came to losing her. Against all odds and expectations, feelings begin developing and he finds it near impossible to contain them any longer.


_Vienna, 1893._

Roderich's home was his piano. It was sweet release, his break from all reality. In some ways, his music had become a well-tended addiction, often the only thing capable of providing him respite. He was turning to it more often these days. The world was changing fast and it troubled Austria. He found his thoughts more preoccupied by the shifting power balances among Europe and the rest of the world along with the clamoring for independence by the various ethnic groups under his control. But he refused to think about that now. His fingers glided over the keys, opting to compose their own melody this time instead of going through the stacks of sheet music in his head to find the right piece. What his heart was playing was heavy with melancholy, but with a glimmer of hope.

When he finished, he was plenty surprised to hear a polite clap. Roderich turned around and met Erzsébet's eyes. "I wasn't doing anything and your playing is so beautiful. I hope you don't mind." Her smile was polite, yet warm.

"Not at all. I appreciate having a captive audience." He gestured to one of the couches nearby. "Sit, there's no need to stand in the doorway."

She complied. Erzsébet pulled her legs up besides her and sighed. "It's beautiful, really. Whenever you play, it makes you feel almost approachable."

In the past, this type of statement would've annoyed him. But, since their official marriage in 1867 and the elevation of Hungary's status with it, he'd been doing his best to kinder. Whatever their feelings were, he was afraid to lose her and knew he'd come too close. "Am I not normally this way?" He imagined himself as a big, hulking monster. The picture bemused him.

"No, you're normally much more..." She tried to find the word. He watched her trying to grab it in her head and the sudden euphoria when she found it. "Unobtainable."

"That's applicable to you as well." A statement that could've easily been used as a weapon, but came across more as gentle teasing.

"Hush, that's different. You're usually so far beyond. You weren't like this before. Empire changes people." Hungary looked away, not wanting to meet his eyes as she spoke for fear of how he'd react. "It brings out the worst traits in all of us."

Incredulous, he pressed her. "How so?" He swiveled in his seat, turning himself so he was fully facing her instead of his instrument.

She teased her nails with her teeth, a habit she'd long had since childhood. She understood the importance of getting her words right when it came to this topic, for his understanding and for her own sentiments to be properly understood. "What's that saying? Absolute power corrupts absolutely? If it's true for man, then it's true for us. You become the center of the world, shaping it as you see fit. There's very few who are capable of stopping you, your worst impulses as a nation and individual are hardly checked. How could you not fall into excess?" Hungary ventured to look into Austria's eyes now. "It's not a moral failing, please don't take it as such."

An interesting concept. Certainly seemed to be bound in the basis of reality. Still, he knew if it was true then he would be condemned as well. Austria's doubts nagged at him, wanted her to be proved wrong but not to claim that victory for himself. "Can you give me any specific corruption?"

"Arthur's taste for vengeance turned into cruelty towards those deserving and undeserving. Francis' desire for control led to him successfully taking over a large portion of the world with an iron fist. And you," she paused. He nodded at her, giving her permission to go on. "And your need to be seen above all other's strips you of basic empathy and compassion for those weaker than yourself."

Austria considered that over for a second. He agreed with her on Britain and France. That was easy, accepting the flaws and downfalls of others. How loathe he was to self-reflect that deeply. He longed for counter-examples and wracked his long memory for one. His treatment of Bohemia for wanting to pick a non-Austrian ruler, his browbeating of the Protestant Germans, his repression of any who dissented too forcefully against his authority. He winced. The only recent example he had of benevolence was when Hungary threatened to stage a rebellion he knew she would win. "I suppose I see your point." No longer wanting the spotlight on him, he turned it on her. "Are you worried this will change you like it has the rest of us?"

Hungary chuckled. "No, not in the slightest. I've certainly been elevated, but this is all still yours. My only focus remains on the best interests of myself and my people." She waved a hand dismissively, suppressing a giggle. "I'll let you deal with the Balkans."

He rolled his eyes. How mighty big of her, letting him handle the most quarrelsome aspect of his, of _their_, lands. "Then why's this been on your mind?" She opened her mouth to protest, but Austria shot her a look. "Don't lie to me. You wouldn't have mentioned this out of nowhere if it wasn't troubling you." He forced his expression to soften. "You've got me interested now."

Erzsébet wrung the skirt of her dress in her hands. She focused intently on the way they messed with the fabric. "I'm worried about him, that's all." She felt the heat of Roderich's irritation rolling off him. She wished to stop herself, but couldn't once the words were out. "An earnest quest for empire, can you believe it? I've already seen it in his eyes. I fear he'll soon be returning to the blood lust he had in the Knights if he continues making war with impunity."

A familiar stab of annoyance hit him in the gut. Strangely, it was mixed with a tang of jealousy over what he didn't have. He bit his tongue until the end, his curiosity piqued. "Are you saying you want him to be put down?" Normally Austria would jump at the opportunity to be the one to do the crushing. His ego stung too much after losing to Prussia in less than two months. With France out of the picture, he had to hope Russia would get brazen.

"Put down is so strong. Beating Denmark was fine. I was displeased by his victory against us, I don't take joy in my men losing their lives and the war, but that was the normal cycle of things." She cleared her throat. "Successfully capturing Paris is another matter."

Austria nodded. This certainly was one of the many things recently troubling him. It was also one of the one's he did not care to discuss. The Prussian was an Icarus, he'd fly too close to the sun soon enough. And Erzsébet would be there to put him back together again when he fell, his insecurities taunted him. "It is, but it doesn't concern our state. He's made this bed and he'll lie in it. _Alone_."

Erzsébet's expression grew sheepish. "I shouldn't have brought this up, I'm sorry." Talking about this with him was a mistake. She should've confided in Feliks instead.

"Don't be, I asked. It only makes sense you would feel this way." A painful silence lay between them. Austria's fingers itched. A ridiculous part of him longed to impress her. He knew he was being childish, unable to deal with whatever feelings of inadequacy that whole conversation arose. He found himself unable to resist though. "May I play something for you? It always helps take my mind off things."

She shook her head. "Not right now. There's some paperwork I have to get to before the end of the night, you understand. Perhaps if I get finished with it early." Hungary rose and began exiting the room.

Desperation. He hated himself for it. "One second, Erzsi," he hesitated on her nickname. To his relief, she turned around without a hint of discomfort. His eyes focused on her despite how much he wanted to look away. "You're in love with him, still, aren't you?" The question was beyond that though. They both knew Roderich was asking if this - their marriage of equals, his forced kindness turning into genuine tenderness - had changed anything.

Hungary stared out the window. "Ah, that's certainly a question." If he studied her intently, he could notice the slightest of tremors. "My heart belongs to myself." She'd said those words before to a different man. They were as unconvincing then as they were the first time.

"You don't have to lie to me." More plead than request. Austria hated his own weakness.

"It's not you I'm lying to." Her hands returned to fidgeting with dress. The habit made her look quite girlish. "Once acknowledged, the truth can be quite a dangerous thing. I need you to understand that."

"And if I don't?" His insolence surprised him. He cleared his throat. "What I mean is, it's better to deal with the truth now than to keep kicking it down the line. It only brings forth more pain." Roderich bid himself to be less honest. He didn't care if it made him a hypocrite, he just needed to stop making himself feel so much.

Erzsébet smiled sadly. "Unfortunately, you're not wrong." She met his gaze, steady and strong. "You're quite observant, Roderich. I believe you know the truth. It's not necessary for me to tell you."

He couldn't bear it anymore. Roderich stood and, within a few strides, was before her. He kissed her tenderly, his hands on her hips and softly pulling her towards him. It was futile, but it felt meaningful to him as all last-ditch efforts do. Their whole marriage felt futile, at the point where it was now fraying irreparably, despite their best efforts to change its course. Still, he found himself hoping and wishing to transport that feeling to her.

They parted. Her eyes carried such cruel pity. "You're becoming such a good man, Roderich. I missed this part of you." Her words cut him like a knife. Erzsébet didn't have to add that it was too late. She didn't have to remind him. She kissed him quick.

"I love you." The words game out fast. The first time he'd said them where it felt true. Giddy on the revelation, he offered it in Hungarian. Anything, anything to get the pity out of her eyes. "Please, Erzsi. You used to say it so often."

Erzsébet stepped back. "I did, didn't I?" She bit her lip. Her breath caught in her throat and her heart wouldn't quit aching for him. "I'm sorry, Roderich. You responded too late. It should've been different for us." She watched his heart break before her eyes. She wanted to offer a platitude, offer him something to console him. She'd never seen him this distraught before. She took his hand.

He laughed bitterly. The action was directed at himself, but she still appeared hurt. "How ridiculous. In the beginning, I knew how devoted you were and I didn't care. It irritated me, the goodness in your heart. I rejected you because I saw no benefit to loving you. Now, when you've understandably closed off to this careless monster - please don't disagree, we both know its true - you've been trapped with for all these years, well now I'm able to recognize how extraordinary you are." He smiled, if only to prevent himself from breaking down. "I resented any attempt you made to find the smallest joy in this hell. My deepest desire is now only to see you happy. I'm an idiot." Roderich paused, his voice becoming a whisper. "He makes you happy, doesn't he?"

She listened. Tears welled in her own eyes. The truth of it all hurt, but it needed to be said. She wished she could turn off her feelings, she wished it would be so easy to welcome him back unconditionally into her good graces. Erzsébet had become so used to how things used to be, she couldn't believe that this new loving behavior wasn't only temporary before things returned to their past resentment. She wanted to avoid his question, but knew she couldn't. She sighed. "He does."

The truth, the bitter truth. He knew it and, yet, he still needed to hear it. "Can't I make you happy instead?"

Erzsébet kissed him, sweet and slow. Roderich found himself still leaning in when there was no longer anyone there. "That would take longer than we have."

"But we have eternity." Begging, begging for her not to do what he knew was coming. She had just so recently entered his world, really entered it. He couldn't imagine being without her now.

"You know what I mean." Eyes downcast. "I don't know how much longer we can stay. But until then, you can try." She stroked his cheek. "I do appreciate the effort." She stepped back and it felt to Roderich like a world was between them. "Please, I need to do my work."

This time he didn't prevent her from leaving. She shut the door behind her and Roderich crumpled to the floor. He cursed himself, he cursed his pride and his disregard for what he'd had for so long. He cursed himself that he would never be able to keep her and that he would never stop performing the Sisyphean task of fighting for her. He'd go down a fool, but maybe now he could take pride in himself for having tried, for giving her a few years where felt respected and valued. His tears fell and he let them. No, maybe he would not feel happiness, but to give it to her would be just the same.


End file.
